Day 10, Well Crap...

This is me:

I got all screwy in the head yesterday and blew the points out the window, so guess who was up 2 lbs this morning (not supposed to weigh in until 2mar morning but I told you I had issues with weighing every day and then freaking out!) Well!! Well I guess I am freaking out today because I am dealing with some serious down-in-the-heart issues. I have been trying to get a few pounds off as I have previously posted, since December 26 and da nada, nothing, not a crumb. But I am not giving up, I am going to continue this blasted points program and stay OP and just see what happens. I am really curious how others are doing on the new program. I am going to fish around, looking at blogs, etc. and just see. For the most part all the blogs I have on this site seem to be doing pretty good. Maybe it's just me...I don't want to be a fatty, I don't want to continue to have these issues in my head, I want to be healthy. Well, I will say this for myself, I am not going to quit, I still haven't had soft drinks or alcohol and other than a couple of slips, yesterday being one, I am hanging in there and am eating more fruits, veggies, etc. I even bought a butternut squash this morning. Going to try this recipe from Hungry Girl:

Bake-tastic Butternut Squash Fries 2.0

PER SERVING (1/2 of recipe): 125 calories, <0.5g fat, 158mg sodium, 33g carbs, 3g fiber, 6g sugars, 3g protein -- PointsPlus™ value 0*

Getting baked butternut-squash spears crispy in the oven can be a bit of a challenge. This newly improved recipe will show you the way...









Ingredients:1 butternut squash (about 2 pounds -- large enough to yield 20 oz. once peeled & sliced)
1/8 tsp. coarse salt
Optional: additional coarse salt

Directions:Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Slice the ends off the squash, and then cut it in half widthwise. Peel squash with a vegetable peeler or carefully with a knife. Cut the round bottom piece in half lengthwise and remove seeds.

Using a crinkle cutter or a knife, carefully cut squash into spears/French-fry shapes. (For exact nutritionals, measure out and use 20 oz.) Pat spears firmly with paper towels to absorb excess moisture. Sprinkle evenly with salt.

Lay spears out on a layer of paper towels, and let stand for at least 5 minutes, to allow the salt to draw out any excess moisture. Then pat with paper towels again. If you like, sprinkle with additional salt.

Spray a broiler pan, a baking rack placed over a baking sheet, or a baking sheet with nonstick spray, and then lay spears flat on it. (Use two pieces of bakeware, if needed.)

Bake in the oven for 20 minutes, and then carefully flip spears. Bake for about 20 minutes longer, until tender on the inside and crispy on the outside. Enjoy!

MAKES 2 SERVINGS

Day 9, Exercise Continues

I got home exhausted last evening from work and still had supper to fix for Jacob and all his homework, but when everything was done I walked on my tread-mill for 30 minutes. I got back up at 5:00am this morning and walked 30 more minutes. The thing I notice more than anything is that I need some type of protein to make it from breakfast to lunch each day. Oh, I have a small snack of some sort, but I am starving if I don't eat a good breakfast. Example is this morning:
Breakfast:   instant oatmeal with 1 tsp peanut butter
                  1 cup 1% milk (not enough protein as I ate at 6am and I was starving, so...)
Snack:       egg mcmuffin from McDonald's

Last night I had a smoothie for supper and it was lacking in the taste department. Here is how I fixed it: 1 cup 1% milk, pack of Splenda, 2 large strawberries frozen and 1 bannana frozen. Any suggestions out there on how to make a tasty smoothie?

Day 8 I'm Back!!

"Every Damn Day, Just Do It!"  Nike

Had a three day weekend where I was not able to blog anything so I am back today happy to report I WAS premenstral so I am waiting to weigh in on Friday and see what verdict will be. I was down a few ounces when weighing in on January 14 (Friday) but started that day so...I will continue on with WW points plus. I have been walking on tread mill or outside daily for about a week. Proud of that after no exercise whatsoever for so so long AND I am also proud of no cokes or pepsis since December 26, 2010. That is a HUGE thing for me.

Breakfast:   2 eggs, 2 slices bacon, brummell brown
Snack:        banana and 9 pieces of Bakenets pork rinds
Lunch:        1 cup poppy seed chicken
                  salad with 2 tbsp ranch dressing
Snack:       1 small fugi apple
Dinner:      1 frozen strawberry and banana smoothie using 1 cup 1% milk

Today while searching around on my WW blogs I found a really great idea at http://www.loserforlife.com/, she fixes "salad kits" and has them handy to pull out and have a meal at the snap of your finger. Here is her Taco Salad with ingredients and picture, there are two more salad kit ideas that can be found her site: 

Taco Salad- 4 oz. lean 96% ground beef (seasoned with cumin, garlic, onion, chili powder, s+p), cheddar cheese, 1/2 oz.  crushed Baked Tostitos, lettuce, grape tomatoes, salsa and 1 tbsp. sour cream.

Day 4, Another Sigh...

"You don't have to get it right, you just have to get it going."  Author Unknown

Sigh...new day, same weight, wonder if it is possible to hit a plateau when you first start dieting? Heh...Today, which is Friday, is going to be my weigh in days for better, for worse and as I have already stated NO CHANGE!! My body must really like what I am putting in it, it doesn't want to let it go. For the record I am sticking to the WW points plus system and some days go over my 29 points but I still have 49 extra for the week so I am staying within my limits. Just no drop in the scale for 2 weeks, really really odd, but I am in a routine now and I am not stopping, at least I'm not gaining. It is hard to read other people who are blogging about their experiences so far and they say, "dropped 5.6 lbs this week, or dropped 3.5 lbs this week..." maybe if I stay at it I can be one of those people too.

Breakfast::    2 eggs, 1 slice bacon with brummel brown
                    1 bagel thin, little brummel brown
                    1/2 cup 1% milk
Snack:          9 Baket pork rinds

Lunch:          large green salad, with chicken pieces, little ranch, little flax seed
Bad Cheat:   1 cherry pop tart (I must be premenstral!!!) 

I have been doing alot of soul searching coming off sugar and through it I am noticing I am having behavior changes. #1 I am being a bitch. I am depressed and I keep thinking a large coke from McD's would put everything just. about. right. I am praying this will pass and the mood changes will adjust. I drank the high octane cocoa yesterday (wasn't sugar free) to try and help adjust my mood (didn't help, wasn't nearly enough sugar so my body said) but today not going to try that route. Oh , I guess I am getting sugar in my foods, etc. but I have totally laid down the cokes and pepsi's since Christmas day and no Little Debbies or pop tarts or fun-size candy bars I was mindlessly eating before. #2 I am battling the mind set "I ate all that crap and still weighed the same..." but I know no matter the weight my body needs to not have sugar and lots of refined flour, so I am hanging in there, getting a little whiny around the edges, but hanging in there.

I see many people that take pics of what they eat and that helps give me ideas. I may do this from time to time is I have time to take a picture of my food. I really like the ones that have recipes with pics, might do that too. I am going to try and cook a new recipe for Polish Corn Chowder I got off Spark People, I will try and take a pic and post IF it's one worth sharing. I may not be able to blog this weekend. I don't have internet at home but if I get near a computer that does I plan on catching up if I can, if not I will be back on Tuesday as we get Monday off.   

Addition: The Polish Corn Chowder recipe was NOT a success so I am not going to post it.  And I ended up eating that dog-gone pop tart and you know what? It didn't even taste good.       

Day 3, Sigh....

Why am I sighing you ask? Well, I have been in a little hole lately. When I say "Day 3" that actually means of blogging, I have been on this certain program for about 2 weeks now and the scale has gone up 1 lb. This is normally the time I say "F@#*@ it" and just quit, but I am not giving in to that compulsive past behavior. I believe it might be best if I only weigh in once a week on Fridays (as I originally planned anyway) to get this under control. How am I eating? Another sigh...for the 500th time I am following the points plus system of Weight Watchers. I have tried every plan they have had since the early 90's. I keep coming back to it because in my heart of hearts I KNOW it is the best long term, healthiest program a gal can do. (See there is my positive for the day, I almost started to write "a fat gal can do" but I changed the derogatory slander on myself.)

Breakfast:   1 pack peaches oatmeal
                  1 tbsp brummel and brown
                 1/2 cup 2% milk
Snack:       1 chocolate vitatop muffin with 1 tbsp peanut butter (knew I needed more protein for
                 breakfast, I was hungry!)
Lunch:      1/2 grilled cheese sandwich with 2% cheese slice
                 1 tsp brummel and brown
                 1/4 cup corn chowder
Dinner:      1 fried chicken strip
                 1 wasa cracker with 1 tbsp peanut butter
                 1/2 cup 1% milk

I recognize I did not eat too healthy today.
Weight Watchers tip today:  Don't give up the foods you love to eat. Learn to eat them in moderation. This is a lifestyle, not a diet.

Good Way to End Day 2

That Which Life is Worth Living For

Jacob Wade born weighing 1 lb 1 oz, 26 weeker

Day 2

"Because although Eating Honey was a very special thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than you were, but he didn't know what it was called." From "The House at Pooh Corner."

Oh, I know what you call it!! For me it has been a lifetime of "waiting to be thin." I have spent ALL of my adult life wanting, wishing and waiting for that moment of "thinness." I got it for a brief while after my divorce. I lost 30 pounds and as I look back instead of feeling sensual or "thin" I felt fatter from all the skin hanging. I hid my arms, breasts, legs; I never got that feeling of self assuredness that I thought I would feel. Of course I was dying inside, not able to appreciate I could breath better, wear smaller clothes. But there is one instance that I remember being in a bank discussing apart of my divorce and I was able to cross my knees for the first time in along time. I was starving though, grieving away weight and of course when I started back to eating some food and the feelings of lonliness and depressions set in 27 lbs of it came right back on. I have lost 17 lbs AGAIN, and am now trying to rid myself of at least 50 more. I am taking this like the AA program says, "One Day at a Time," and at times when food/sugar cravings hit, at times it is one minute at a time.

I am proud of myself that I made through yesterday with a good eating plan. I am keeping a food journal to hold myself accountable for every bite I put in my mouth.  I will try and blog it here too. Got up this morning at 5:00am and did Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds 1 Mile tape. God I am so out of shape!!! But I am going to hang in there and keep exercising in some form. I did not exercise yesterday, my legs were so sore from day before and it was dark when I left work, so I got my butt up early today to make sure I did something. It's 25 degrees outside so there won't be any exercise out there!

Something Positive: I have beautiful blue eyes.

Breakfast:   2 eggs, 1 slice bacon scrambled in 1 Tbsp Brummel Brown
                  1 bagel thin with Brummel Brown
                  1 cup 2% milk
Snack:        handful of peanuts (too much fat, need to snack better rest of day)
Lunch:        BBQ Salad, 1/2 cup bbq pork, shredded lettuce, slaw
                  9 pieces of Bakets pork rinds
Snack:        apple
Dinner:      1 baked chicken breast, no skin
                 salad with lots of veggies, small serving Hidden Valley Ranch

Tell Us Dr. Phil

Day 1, Exhale Big Breath....

January 11, 2011 this is the day I begin to become accountable to myself. Here is a little background so you will understand where this is coming from, just another blog out there in bloggisphere of another fat gal wanting to make changes and up until now unable...all of my life, at least my entire life as I remember, I have focused some how, some way on food. When I was a young girl and became anxious, which was daily, I handled that anxiety with food. When I was in grade school some kids would call me "Fatty," etc. when I look back at my pics and I see I wasn't really large at all, a plump little girl, but not FAT. I handled the taunts by eating more food. When I woke up I would be thinking what is for breakfast and as I ate breakfast I would be asking mom what were we having for supper. This set the scale of the rest of my life, food is how I handle love, food is how I handle rejection, food is how I handle stress, food is how I handle ANYTHING life has to offer me.

To make a long story short, from the rejection of my first real boyfriend to the final rejection of my ex-husband I have filled the last 25 years of a constant, and I mean Daily, complusion of these thoughts, "I need to diet, I have to diet, I have to lose weight, going to start today, Started today, cheated after lunch, crap...I will start again tomorrow, ok I have tried this DIET for 3 days and I haven't lost a pound, I am going to swtich to this DIET because it is working for her, no it's been another several days and I haven't lost a pound I am switching back to this DIET, Got to lose weight, will start tomorrow..." and on and on it goes, round and round every single fucking day and has for years on end. I am not at my highest weight which is well above 200 pounds but I continue to have these days of emotional eating and then feeling worthless and a complete failure when I eat a little off plan to the point I give up and swear to myself to start again tomorrow or after the weekend or in all honesty NEVER. I realize I am addicted to carbs and sugar and go back and forth from salty to sweet when I am in the mode to screw up.  I am researching on how best to break free from it. To break free from sugar, refined white flour, cokes, etc. that give me that "feel good" although ultimately make me feel so bad.  I am a single mother with a disabled child, basically the sole care taker, and I need to be healthy and happy for myself and for him. I would give my life at any second for my child, why can't I do this? Why can't I quit this destructive self behavior for him? Maybe because it's not about him, but me. It will be hard to break 40 years of behavior. But I am going to try. I see it is going to be a daily struggle but here are the behavior goals I am setting for myself:

1. If I eat a bite that isn't what is deemed "healthy" I am not going to throw in the towel and eat all I want just "starting again tomorrow."

2. I am going to try and look at something about myself each day in a positive way.

3. I am going to not "diet hop" from one program to the next, meaning I am not starting Weight Watchers today and by this evening be on a low carb eating plan.

4. I am going to have some form of exercise DAILY.

5. I am going to blog my thoughts, feelings, eating patterns, etc. to have a record of these things in attempt to gain control back of my life.

Eating Behavior: To Start Out

1. At first I am going to eat 5 to 6 mini meals a day to stablize my blood sugar and hopefully to help control portions and binges.

2. I am going to eat fruit, veggies, whole wheat products, protein, low fat dairy and stay away from white flour, sugar and most high carb foods.

3. NO FREAKING COKES, but lots of water and tea.

4. More later as I go along...

I am going try and enjoy the rest of what this day and every day has to offer.

"And what does January hold? Clean account books. Blank diaries. Those hundred and sixty-five new days, neatly parceled into weeks, months, seasons. A chunk of time, of life...those few first notes like an orchestra tuning up before the play begins."
Phyllis Nicholson, "Country Bouquet" (1947)

Food Today:
Breakfast:   1 bagel thin with 2 Tbsp peanut butter
                     1 cup 2% milk
Snack:          1/2 stick string cheese
                     handful pecans and a few pistas
Lunch:          baked chicken (breast, leg, thigh) no skin
                     10 pieces pork rinds
                     1 orange
Snack:         1/2 stick string cheese 
                      1/2 apple
Dinner:         2 cups chicken and veggie soup