Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 2

"Because although Eating Honey was a very special thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than you were, but he didn't know what it was called." From "The House at Pooh Corner."

Oh, I know what you call it!! For me it has been a lifetime of "waiting to be thin." I have spent ALL of my adult life wanting, wishing and waiting for that moment of "thinness." I got it for a brief while after my divorce. I lost 30 pounds and as I look back instead of feeling sensual or "thin" I felt fatter from all the skin hanging. I hid my arms, breasts, legs; I never got that feeling of self assuredness that I thought I would feel. Of course I was dying inside, not able to appreciate I could breath better, wear smaller clothes. But there is one instance that I remember being in a bank discussing apart of my divorce and I was able to cross my knees for the first time in along time. I was starving though, grieving away weight and of course when I started back to eating some food and the feelings of lonliness and depressions set in 27 lbs of it came right back on. I have lost 17 lbs AGAIN, and am now trying to rid myself of at least 50 more. I am taking this like the AA program says, "One Day at a Time," and at times when food/sugar cravings hit, at times it is one minute at a time.

I am proud of myself that I made through yesterday with a good eating plan. I am keeping a food journal to hold myself accountable for every bite I put in my mouth.  I will try and blog it here too. Got up this morning at 5:00am and did Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds 1 Mile tape. God I am so out of shape!!! But I am going to hang in there and keep exercising in some form. I did not exercise yesterday, my legs were so sore from day before and it was dark when I left work, so I got my butt up early today to make sure I did something. It's 25 degrees outside so there won't be any exercise out there!

Something Positive: I have beautiful blue eyes.

Breakfast:   2 eggs, 1 slice bacon scrambled in 1 Tbsp Brummel Brown
                  1 bagel thin with Brummel Brown
                  1 cup 2% milk
Snack:        handful of peanuts (too much fat, need to snack better rest of day)
Lunch:        BBQ Salad, 1/2 cup bbq pork, shredded lettuce, slaw
                  9 pieces of Bakets pork rinds
Snack:        apple
Dinner:      1 baked chicken breast, no skin
                 salad with lots of veggies, small serving Hidden Valley Ranch

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